Wednesday, January 18, 2012

For the last month or more my right shoulder has been killing me.  There are days that I can't pull the chain on the over head lights or pull food off the top pantry shelves.  

Mind you, I am no pain wuss.  Reminder, the Yeti was 9 lb 3 oz at birth.  Speaking of the Yeti, I am fairly confident this whole situation is all his fault and that damn car seat.  You know, those ones that weigh as much as a Mazda and manage to smash into every door jamb you pass through.

I finally got fed up and called the doctor this morning to see what she had to say.  Come over at 1:20.  So, I decided to keep the horse and buggy in the barn and dust off the Ford Escape to make the 1 hour trek to the medical center in pouring rain/disgusting mess falling from the sky.

I arrive at the medical center (30 minutes early albeit, because Lord knows if you aren't super early, you won't make it though the registration line in time and therefore will be late for the appointment and they 'won't be able to squeeze you in' even though they would have taken you late anyways).

After checking in, I make it up to my physician's office (whom I have never met before - my old physician moved to a different department within the hospital, and I have now been stuck with someone named Marika - what is that?  It's not even a country).

Let's discuss the people in the waiting room:
*Deaf 70+ year old morbidly obese woman, in a wheelchair, coughing up blood (literally) and commenting on it, discussing her every medical ailment with what I assume to be her daughter, at the top of their lungs, of course, because she can't hear.  I truly enjoy hearing about the trials of diabetes, incontinence, and a slew of other pleasant maladies.  Awwww your baby is so cute, can you bring him over so I can see?  No, I try to keep his exposure to Tuberculosis to a minimum.

*Snaggle toothed 50 something woman who somehow has a broken shoulder a week after having rotator cuff surgery who is yelling at the receptionist because she needs to see her primary care physician NOW.  This injury COULD be doing more damage to her shoulder and ruining her surgery.  The bitch in me really wanted to ask, why she isn't in the emergency room or the orthopaedics office.  I'm pretty sure that whatever you have done to your shoulder since your surgery probably has done damage to the repair they have already done.  But hey, what do I know.

*Morbidly obese 20 something woman with 3 screaming animals climbing all over her seeking attention while she plays on her cell phone.  Awww your son is adorable.  Mine will be here in two months (as she rubs her belly).  Mind you, there was absolutely no visual indication that this woman was expecting she was so huge.

Even the Yeti was annoyed.  He started screaming.  Oh joyous sweet distraction.

Finally, as if the angels were trilling down from heaven and a shower of sunlight and rainbows showers upon me, my name was called.  The nurse quickly processed me and assured me that the doctor would be right in.  

Enter Marika.  
Her: So tell me about your shoulder.
Me - explained symptoms, time frame, pain levels, etc.
Her - performed some diagnostic range of motion, strength, and other such tests
Her:  Well there is definitely something going on with your shoulder.  I don't think it is your rotator cuff, only tendonitis so ice it, rest it, and take ibuprofen 3x per day.
Me: Thank you captain obvious, really putting that medical degree to use.
Her: Call back in a week if its not better.
Me: Yes because its already been injured over a month, it will magically be cured after coming here.  Clearly your evangelical touch has miraculously healed me.
Her: Make sure you try not to carry your son.  
Me: No problem, I'll make him walk.


  1. OMG, this just made my day so much. I haven't laughed this hard in days. Thank you so much, and I totally understand it all. I too have had shoulder pain, but refuse to go in because I know this is what they will say. I have a 7 month old who is 19 lbs, he better darn well walk soon, cause I don't want to carry him anymore.
    This was the first post I've read of your blog. I love your humor and will be reading much more.

  2. Well I am certainly glad you found me. Swing back by for more humorous encounters with the general public. It is probably a good thing I am a stay at home mom...