Thursday, January 26, 2012

The BP Oil Spill has nothing on this disaster...

Once again, it was a snowy night up here in Vermont and I was all alone with my Yeti and Snarles Barkley.  I was perusing Pinterest and saw a pin for an at home hot oil treatment.  Some dumbass I got the bright idea to try this out.  Hey, its from eHow, someone must know what they are talking about right?  So, I cooked myself up a nice hot cup of tea, turned on some shameless reality TV, grabbed a Valentines Day Debbie Cake, and whipped up this concoction.

Here is the recipe:
3 tsp olive oil
1 tsp honey

Bring to a mixture to a boil and stir to combine well.  Remove from heat, allow to cool.  Pour into hair, comb through, wrap in a plastic bag or shower cap for 20-30 minutes and shampoo out.  Be sure to use cold water rinse as it keeps the hair shaft closed and allows the oil to stay in there doing it's thing.

Me thinking that I have tackled much more complicated recipes and procedures, feels that this is a sure thing.  It's about as easy as a drunk freshman on prom night.

Cooked up the recipe no problem.  Got to use my cool new non-stick whisk/sexual torture device.  There seemed to be a little difference, however, in the end result of the product.

I poured it into my hair (after lots of whisking) and when I tried to comb through my hair, there seemed to be a gigantic glob of honey and matted hair.  Oil was no where to be found.  Still thinking the situation was salvageable, I grabbed my pick comb, and tried to comb the greasy crap through my hair.

As this amalgamation cooled, the rat's nest cemented with honey continued to solidify on the back of my head.  I tried to 'pick' through it, but ended up ripping out more of my already thinning post pregnancy hair.  Panic set in.  I flashed back to visions of getting bubble gum getting cut out of my hair in kindergarten leaving me with a huge bald spot in the back of my head for ages.  I thought I would have to call the EPA in to rescue me a la an otter an in oil spill.  I can see them breaking down the door now in their orange hazmat suits and bottles of Dawn in their hands.

Solution: get the bottle of olive oil and dump it in the hair.  Now, I have hair drenched in olive oil, with a huge honey soaked tangled knot.

I contemplated getting Red's clippers, but didn't think the Britney Spears/GI Jane look was really for me.

With little option left, I turned on the shower, praying that shampoo and near boiling water would dissolve honey.  I didn't care if I smelled like a character out of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

I got out the Head and Shoulders thinking it was the harshest shampoo in my arsenal.  I scrubbed like a rookie hair dresser.  MOST of it came out (with MOST of my hair and black dye job I did yesterday*).  I could still feel clumps of honey.  So...I worked in about 20 pumps of Wen conditioner, wrapped my mangled hair in a towel, and am now sitting in my leather chair (which needs a name by the way).

I thoroughly regret my decision to have a nice girly spa night.  Clearly God is telling me that I do not deserve any mommy beauty time.

Word to the wise: information on the internet may or may not be true or useful.

Screw you eHow.

*Can someone explain why at 28 the hair on my head is gray but the hair on my chin is black?


  1. Oh, you poor thing! What a hair-raising time you've had! Sorry, couldn't resist. ;o)

  2. I washed my hair once with baby shampoo after I paid good money to color it. It stripped my hair. After bawling and calling the hair dresser she was like, NEVER use baby shampoo on your hair. It's basically nothing but a clarifier. And how was I supposed to know that? It's good for a baby why isn't it good for me. Thank god she redid my hair did job again for free. My hair was not silky soft like a baby it felt like a bale of hay. Lessoned learned after 2 hours of sleep with a newborn. Thank god he's 6 now.

  3. I read that Johnson and Johnson Baby Shampoo is actually one of the harshest shampoos on the market - way more so than even an adult shampoo. Wouldn't you think it would be super gentle?

  4. Honey, in small doses, is good for your hair. The trick is to not have any globs of it though. :/ I hope you fixed it. And I laughed really hard at the grey hair/black chin hair bit. I wish I knew...