Thursday, December 22, 2011

Christmas Tree Rogaine?

Ahhhh the age old tradition of the Yule Tide Tree.

This year, our closest friend and her mother were with out a pick up truck.  So, we banded together, a parade of Vermonters, to cross the line into Massachusetts (enemy territory), to obtain a tree.  Why, you ask, would people from Vermont get a Massachusetts tree?  It gives us something to complain about.

When we arrived at the local tree farm, Red retrieved his trusty chainsaw, a la Leatherface.  Overkill?  Nooooo.

Then of course, the ordeal of finding the elusive perfect tree.  My requirements are easily satisfied.  It has to have needles, be green, and less than six feet tall.  Our friend's children?  Well, they seem to have a much more ideal vision of a Christmas tree. 19' feet tall, wide enough to only fit through a garage door (and certainly not the tree bailer), and boughs grown all the way to the ground so it is impossible to cut down.  Check, check, and check.  Found one.  Now to fit two large trees and one small in the back of one pick up.  

Commence procession back to allied territory.  Punctuated with a quick stop to get Berkshire Brewery's Holidale.

We spent the rest of the day helping our friend put up her monstrosity.  Yes, the chainsaw was used in the house and it required 10 lb test fishing line to keep it in the upright position.  Merry redneck Christmas.

Next it was time to put up our tree.  I fished my decorations out of storage, found two boxes of lights, and was quite surprised to find that they were empty.  How did empty boxes of lights get back in the decorations.  Eye roll.  Impromptu Walmart trip.  Yep, out of lights two weeks before Christmas.  Way to stock up.  Fast forward through trips to dollar stores and Walgreens and I was able to find three (yes three) strings of lights.

We decorated with out incident.  Only one broken ornament, quickly remedied with super glue.  Make sure there are non-breakable ornaments on the bottom for the cat to play with, otherwise, she may be tempted to  reach the glass heirlooms at the top.

Its now almost two weeks later, and after diligent watering, our tree is suffering from male pattern baldness.  Snarles Barkley (long haired demon cat) finds it entertaining to roll in the needles on the floor, then go lay on Red's side of the bed.  Unfortunately, Amazon doesn't sell Rogaine for trees.


  1. Speaking of transplants,you utter some very vermonter like words at the opening of this rant for a girl that was born and raised in Massachusetts. Try not to forget you are only a vermonter by injection.., lest you intend to offend your "southern" kin folk..,

  2. JB, I do not deny my southern roots. I am frequently reminded that I may reside in Vermont, but I will always be a flatlander.