Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Mr. Hankey? Is that you?
So...my goal for the year is to try to find new, maybe unconventional ways to reduce our household waste and save money as well. After going through three boxes of Kleenex's from my horrific allergies and thinking about the fact that I basically just threw away ten bucks of paper I used as a snot receptacle, I realized that something needed to change. I was going to buy some beautiful organic cotton hankies I found on Etsy, but then realizing we were on a ZERO spending policy (we want to buy a house and need the down payment, posts to follow...) I tried to think of other creative solutions. Voila, it came to me...I had like 20 bandanas I always wear in my hair. I have successfully culled a few from the herd and will be blowing my snot into them on a regular basis! What do you do to reduce your waste?
Sunday, May 5, 2013
First post in...a LONG time...
So...I'm feeling like I need a place to vent again...revamping my health and eating, kiddo is 18 months old...have a new, stressful job...new outlook on life...stay tuned.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Leave of absence...
If any of you have read my last post, then this is a followup!
Since not spending 23 hours a day on the computer in my chair, I have been eating super healthy and have dropped 6.5 lbs in two weeks! How have I been doing it?
Breakfast:
2 egg white omelet with spinach, roasted red peppers, and feta or parmesan cheese
Black coffee with splenda
Snack:
Celery or carrots with homemade hummus
Lunch:
Protein smoothie
Snack:
Celery or carrots with peanut butter
Dinner:
Huge plate of salad or veggies
Lean protein
Drink:
Lots of water and green tea
Work out:
Walks, Jillian Michaels, various circuit training
I feel great!!! I have so much energy! I am so much happier!
I have been taking the time to play my guitar, read to the Yeti, and paint the fingies. Although I miss the blogging community, I needed to do this for myself. I shall return!
Since not spending 23 hours a day on the computer in my chair, I have been eating super healthy and have dropped 6.5 lbs in two weeks! How have I been doing it?
Breakfast:
2 egg white omelet with spinach, roasted red peppers, and feta or parmesan cheese
Black coffee with splenda
Snack:
Celery or carrots with homemade hummus
Lunch:
Protein smoothie
Snack:
Celery or carrots with peanut butter
Dinner:
Huge plate of salad or veggies
Lean protein
Drink:
Lots of water and green tea
Work out:
Walks, Jillian Michaels, various circuit training
I feel great!!! I have so much energy! I am so much happier!
I have been taking the time to play my guitar, read to the Yeti, and paint the fingies. Although I miss the blogging community, I needed to do this for myself. I shall return!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Blogcaine
When I first got the bright idea to start blogging two months ago, I was a virgin. I knew nothing about the blogging community. I very quickly became wrapped up in following the advice of fellow bloggers to grow my blog - link ups, commenting, following, daily posting. I found myself checking my blog feed more than Facebook - spending hours researching blog stuff, finding new blogs to follow, and copying buttons.
Last week, I posted that I was getting a little depressed and needed to pull my head out of my ass. Well, goddamn it, I have been. Yesterday, I didn't turn my computer on ONCE and what got accomplished?
I ran errands, taxes got done, guitar got played, the Yeti got read to, the nails got painted, it put the lotion on it's skin, got paperwork done, exercised, and made healthy food. I was still full of energy, in an amazingly good mood, and ready to start a new day when night time rolled around.
So, dear readers, while I will still be posting several times a week as I find it very therapeutic, I realized that I needed to get my fat ass out of the big brown sleeping pill and DO STUFF! I think I was becoming a part of that chair - my ass was growing roots.
That is all...
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
My 10 biggest fears...
Sometimes, when I get a little low on writing ideas, I like to swing on over to Mama Kat's for some fun writing prompts. This week, the '10 biggest fears' prompt inspired me...
1. That Snarles Barkley's cat hair tumbleweeds will meld into a clone of said mini-panda and continue to reproduce more cat hair.
2. That someday, while blow drying my hair and doing the upside down volume adding hair flip, I will smash my head on the sink in ourbathroom phone booth, and suffer irreparable brain damage. Ahhh the cost of beauty.
3. That the Yeti has a perfect storm of genetics - genius brains, good looks, and an insatiable craving for trouble. Look out world, it's a category 5 brewing. We don't have a college fund started, we have a bail fund.
4. That my mother will visit unexpectedly before I have a chance to clean (see item #1).
5. That one of these days I will open my cupboard and theneatly organized stash of Tupperware will avalanche down on me, trapping me for hours until Red comes home, at which point I will be suffocated with my stiff hand clutched upwards toward the ceiling.
6. That my mother is right, that public toilet seats really do transmit a variety of incurable, terminal diseases that will be contracted through nine layers of TP while hovering precariously.
7. That I will trust a fart too much.
8. That someday the Flying Monkey scene from The Wizard of Oz will be on every channel, the batteries in the remote will die right after the Yeti falls asleep in my arms, and I will know that getting up to shut off the TV will only wake him up. I watched that movie ONCE when I was 6 and they still scare the ever living flying monkey poop out of me.
9. That Snarles Barkely will puke in the exact spot that Red puts his feet when he gets out of bed in the morning and I will have to clean human and cat messes up at approximately 4:30 am.
10. That I will step in the jet fuel from an AIDs infested pedestrian's snot rocket in sandals.
1. That Snarles Barkley's cat hair tumbleweeds will meld into a clone of said mini-panda and continue to reproduce more cat hair.
Snarles Barkley fiercely guarding the dog treats, ammo, and wrist rocket.
2. That someday, while blow drying my hair and doing the upside down volume adding hair flip, I will smash my head on the sink in our
3. That the Yeti has a perfect storm of genetics - genius brains, good looks, and an insatiable craving for trouble. Look out world, it's a category 5 brewing. We don't have a college fund started, we have a bail fund.
4. That my mother will visit unexpectedly before I have a chance to clean (see item #1).
5. That one of these days I will open my cupboard and the
6. That my mother is right, that public toilet seats really do transmit a variety of incurable, terminal diseases that will be contracted through nine layers of TP while hovering precariously.
7. That I will trust a fart too much.
8. That someday the Flying Monkey scene from The Wizard of Oz will be on every channel, the batteries in the remote will die right after the Yeti falls asleep in my arms, and I will know that getting up to shut off the TV will only wake him up. I watched that movie ONCE when I was 6 and they still scare the ever living flying monkey poop out of me.
9. That Snarles Barkely will puke in the exact spot that Red puts his feet when he gets out of bed in the morning and I will have to clean human and cat messes up at approximately 4:30 am.
10. That I will step in the jet fuel from an AIDs infested pedestrian's snot rocket in sandals.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Test Kitchen Tuesday: Hodgson Mills European Herb and Cheese Bread
A few weeks ago, I had emailed Hodgson Mill requesting some coupons. They were very generous and sent a STACK of coupons for free products to me. So last week, when our friend came over for dinner, I thought I would take the coupons to the grocery store and see what products I could incorporate into dinner.
Unfortunately, the selection of Hodgson Mill products was very limited at our small grocery store, but I picked out their Italian Herb and Cheese Bread to go with lasagna and Caesar salad. Please note: I have NEVER made self rising bread before.
Just because this is a 'mix', it still needs to rise, be kneaded, etc - this is NOT a quick bread.
I made the bread EXACTLY as the directions said and it came out delicious. The boys ate the entire loaf themselves, I got two slices. Making this has certainly inspired me to make more bread (also, Red informed me that I was no longer allowed to NOT make bread for him). I must admit, that as intimidated as I was by bread baking, it really is very easy. Aside from the rise times, it really takes very little time, and I would like to think that from now on, on Sundays, I am going to make two loaves of bread, rather than buy them.
Unfortunately, the selection of Hodgson Mill products was very limited at our small grocery store, but I picked out their Italian Herb and Cheese Bread to go with lasagna and Caesar salad. Please note: I have NEVER made self rising bread before.
Just because this is a 'mix', it still needs to rise, be kneaded, etc - this is NOT a quick bread.
I made the bread EXACTLY as the directions said and it came out delicious. The boys ate the entire loaf themselves, I got two slices. Making this has certainly inspired me to make more bread (also, Red informed me that I was no longer allowed to NOT make bread for him). I must admit, that as intimidated as I was by bread baking, it really is very easy. Aside from the rise times, it really takes very little time, and I would like to think that from now on, on Sundays, I am going to make two loaves of bread, rather than buy them.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Things they don't teach you in parenting classes...
1. Snap education 101: Trying to connect the 33 snaps and get them properly aligned on a screaming infant's PJ's at 3:00 am is like Helen Keller trying to solve a Rubik's Cube.
2. Breastfeeding: No matter how great they make it sound, there are just some mothers and babies that aren't cut out for it. Sorry hippies.
3. Showers: Don't expect one daily anymore.
4. Things that make a baby cry: mommy sitting down for dinner, mommy taking a shower (see item 3), mommy putting her head on a pillow, mommy sneezing while putting sleeping baby in it's crib
5a. Things that a baby will sleep though: chainsaws, a helicopter landing, loud music
5b. Things that will wake a baby up: cricket farts, the cat walking by, see also item 4
6. The day after you clip baby
7. No one can prepare you for the fire hose that baby boys produce. No one. Always have a cover on that thing or wear a rain coat. I have had pee dripping from the ceiling.
8. Baby puke is like garlic. You get it on your skin and the smell can't be washed out.
9. You need a 4 year engineering degree to put together most baby items (swings, bouncy seats, cribs). And a beer. And extra tools so you can throw at least one.
10. It never fails that the instant you have gotten the baby rocked to sleep after hours of crying, you realize that you have to piss like Seabiscuit at the Kentucky Derby. Maybe invest in catheters.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Gramma Growley Reincarnate...
Last month, I introduced Gramma Growley here.
Last month I also indicated that one of my 101 in 1001 goals was to be a nicer, more positive person. I am usually quite introverted, judgmental, and down right bitchy to the idiots that populate the general public. As evidence that I have risen above my formerly negative attitude, I have this funny (in my opinion) story to tell.
A friend of ours needed some support in a rough time and asked if he could stop over for dinner. So, being the Betty Rocker that I am, I decided to whip up some lasagna. Not having lasagna noodles in the house, I decided to make a quick run to our local grocery store.
While in the baking aisle picking up a bread mix (Hodgson Mill European Herb and Cheese Bread yum), I overheard an elderly woman tell her husband that she could not find baking powder. She was about 15 feet from me and it was right in front of me. The skeptic in me told me to keep my trap shut, but new me decided to pipe up.
"Ma'am, the baking powder is right over here in front of me." I offered with a smile as I pointed up to it. So she strolled down and engaged me in friendly conversation. She said that she gets so frustrated because she buys baking powder, but before she uses it all up, it tends to harden. I listened and nodded as she lamented over her baking powder woes.
Then, as if Dr. Jekyll's evil alter ego had sprung forth, she spat out, "But what would you know? You kids today don't know how to bake and probably don't even know what you use baking powder for."
My mind raced. I was faced with the internal struggle to beat her old lady ass down for insulting me that way. While I agreed with her, that most people my age do not make a lot of 'from scratch' foods, I felt it was very insulting that after I was simply trying to help her, she felt the need to slam my generation. Hmmm...maybe if the people from her generation passed down this knowledge, more of us would be better cooks. Haggard old bitch.
But, in an effort to be more positive, I simply smiled and asserted that I LOVED to cook and actually have my own website in which I post recipes and cooking experiences. She turned around wordlessly and snatched the mega-size of baking powder because it was cheapest.
I really wanted to offer that maybe she should buy a smaller tin of baking powder and buy it more frequently as she needed it. If it has been in your cupboard so long that it has petrified, it's chemical properties will no longer cause your baked good to rise anyway.
As I walked away, frustrated that my attempt at courtesy was shot down, I realized that you can't control how people will react to you. Oh well, I smiled, knowing that I had done my part for the day. I laughed, thinking that she was so much like my Gramma Growley and actually called mom to tell her. She thought it was hysterical and agreed.
Last month I also indicated that one of my 101 in 1001 goals was to be a nicer, more positive person. I am usually quite introverted, judgmental, and down right bitchy to the idiots that populate the general public. As evidence that I have risen above my formerly negative attitude, I have this funny (in my opinion) story to tell.
A friend of ours needed some support in a rough time and asked if he could stop over for dinner. So, being the Betty Rocker that I am, I decided to whip up some lasagna. Not having lasagna noodles in the house, I decided to make a quick run to our local grocery store.
While in the baking aisle picking up a bread mix (Hodgson Mill European Herb and Cheese Bread yum), I overheard an elderly woman tell her husband that she could not find baking powder. She was about 15 feet from me and it was right in front of me. The skeptic in me told me to keep my trap shut, but new me decided to pipe up.
"Ma'am, the baking powder is right over here in front of me." I offered with a smile as I pointed up to it. So she strolled down and engaged me in friendly conversation. She said that she gets so frustrated because she buys baking powder, but before she uses it all up, it tends to harden. I listened and nodded as she lamented over her baking powder woes.
Then, as if Dr. Jekyll's evil alter ego had sprung forth, she spat out, "But what would you know? You kids today don't know how to bake and probably don't even know what you use baking powder for."
My mind raced. I was faced with the internal struggle to beat her old lady ass down for insulting me that way. While I agreed with her, that most people my age do not make a lot of 'from scratch' foods, I felt it was very insulting that after I was simply trying to help her, she felt the need to slam my generation. Hmmm...maybe if the people from her generation passed down this knowledge, more of us would be better cooks. Haggard old bitch.
But, in an effort to be more positive, I simply smiled and asserted that I LOVED to cook and actually have my own website in which I post recipes and cooking experiences. She turned around wordlessly and snatched the mega-size of baking powder because it was cheapest.
I really wanted to offer that maybe she should buy a smaller tin of baking powder and buy it more frequently as she needed it. If it has been in your cupboard so long that it has petrified, it's chemical properties will no longer cause your baked good to rise anyway.
As I walked away, frustrated that my attempt at courtesy was shot down, I realized that you can't control how people will react to you. Oh well, I smiled, knowing that I had done my part for the day. I laughed, thinking that she was so much like my Gramma Growley and actually called mom to tell her. She thought it was hysterical and agreed.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
I have a confession to make:
For the last couple of weeks, I have been desperately depressed. We are talking eating a bag of chips on the couch all day in my rotten pajamas while watching 19 Kids and Counting depressed.
Why was I depressed? Well...
*New England winters get pretty dreary. Even if this has been a warm one, we still deal with shorter days, more cloudy days, and plenty of gnarly weather.
*With said yucky weather, for about three weeks, Red was either working or sleeping. Since the weather sucked, I never wanted to pack the baby up and go visiting due to bad road conditions.
*I was informed that I didn't get an interview for a job I really wanted.
*Being out of work since August is absolutely making me stir crazy. I wouldn't trade this time I have spent with the Yeti for anything, but frankly - the Insomniac Mom misses the social aspect, the mental challenge, and the physical change of scenery that a job provides.
*I'm just plain freaking bored.
I was getting lazier, eating crappy food (which makes me feel worse), was drinking more - hell even venting to you people had lost its magic.
So what did I do about it?
I forced myself to get my ass in gear!
1. I went out and bought a new sexy outfit, spent the day primping, left the Yeti with grammy, and Red and I went out on a hot date. It felt amazing to feel hot again, walk around Northampton and giggle and flirt like teenagers, and have an amazing meal at The Eastside Grill (phenomenal roast duck). It made both of us realize that while we both need time for each other, we couldn't believe how much we missed our little Yeti.
2. I had some talks with Red, my mom, and my dear friend Bobby D about my unemployment and job search woes. They all told me the same thing, there may be days that it is lonely, but you will never get this time back with the Yeti. Cherish it. Also, that I have an opportunity to find what I really want to do. There are so many opportunities out there and that I truly am a valuable asset to a company or organization. That when the right thing comes along, I will know it.
3. I bought a guitar. Yes people, you heard me. Look out Miranda Lambert. I needed a hobby - a me thing. I needed some mental challenge. Something that required minimal set up (as you know, with a kid, you have to savor every thirty minutes) and equipment. I love singing and performing (as I did with Bobby D once in a while pre-Red). I am so excited about it, I can barely sleep (oh, wait, I do that anyway).
4. I bought some Jillian Michaels' fitness dvds and decided it is time to get my ass in gear.
5. I remembered what my mom had always told me - even though you have a bad day or feel a little down, it is your choice every day to put a smile on your face. So I took that advice and decided that I need to smile more and laugh. Stop watching depressing train wreck reality TV and do something! Nothing puts a smile on my face like making my baby smile!
So, readers, I hope that in posting this, maybe I will help one person out of a slump. I realized I needed to stop dwelling on negative things, and focus on the positive. I have a perfect, healthy, gigantic baby boy who is truly a blessing a puts a smile on my face every time I look at his chubby puke covered cheeks. I have an amazing fiance/gigantic leprechaun who is amazingly supportive and truly the love of my life. I cherish every day that I get to spend with him and can't wait for March 17th, the day I become Mrs. Red. I have a great family (both new and long time) that loves me unconditionally and is always there for me and us. My friends are also amazing and always there for me too. Thanks Bobby D, Johnny B, and Mindi-moose, with out you, life would be pretty boring.
So now that I am filled with rainbows, unicorns, and cupcakes, let's get life started again.
For the last couple of weeks, I have been desperately depressed. We are talking eating a bag of chips on the couch all day in my rotten pajamas while watching 19 Kids and Counting depressed.
Why was I depressed? Well...
*New England winters get pretty dreary. Even if this has been a warm one, we still deal with shorter days, more cloudy days, and plenty of gnarly weather.
*With said yucky weather, for about three weeks, Red was either working or sleeping. Since the weather sucked, I never wanted to pack the baby up and go visiting due to bad road conditions.
*I was informed that I didn't get an interview for a job I really wanted.
*Being out of work since August is absolutely making me stir crazy. I wouldn't trade this time I have spent with the Yeti for anything, but frankly - the Insomniac Mom misses the social aspect, the mental challenge, and the physical change of scenery that a job provides.
*I'm just plain freaking bored.
I was getting lazier, eating crappy food (which makes me feel worse), was drinking more - hell even venting to you people had lost its magic.
So what did I do about it?
I forced myself to get my ass in gear!
1. I went out and bought a new sexy outfit, spent the day primping, left the Yeti with grammy, and Red and I went out on a hot date. It felt amazing to feel hot again, walk around Northampton and giggle and flirt like teenagers, and have an amazing meal at The Eastside Grill (phenomenal roast duck). It made both of us realize that while we both need time for each other, we couldn't believe how much we missed our little Yeti.
2. I had some talks with Red, my mom, and my dear friend Bobby D about my unemployment and job search woes. They all told me the same thing, there may be days that it is lonely, but you will never get this time back with the Yeti. Cherish it. Also, that I have an opportunity to find what I really want to do. There are so many opportunities out there and that I truly am a valuable asset to a company or organization. That when the right thing comes along, I will know it.
3. I bought a guitar. Yes people, you heard me. Look out Miranda Lambert. I needed a hobby - a me thing. I needed some mental challenge. Something that required minimal set up (as you know, with a kid, you have to savor every thirty minutes) and equipment. I love singing and performing (as I did with Bobby D once in a while pre-Red). I am so excited about it, I can barely sleep (oh, wait, I do that anyway).
4. I bought some Jillian Michaels' fitness dvds and decided it is time to get my ass in gear.
5. I remembered what my mom had always told me - even though you have a bad day or feel a little down, it is your choice every day to put a smile on your face. So I took that advice and decided that I need to smile more and laugh. Stop watching depressing train wreck reality TV and do something! Nothing puts a smile on my face like making my baby smile!
So, readers, I hope that in posting this, maybe I will help one person out of a slump. I realized I needed to stop dwelling on negative things, and focus on the positive. I have a perfect, healthy, gigantic baby boy who is truly a blessing a puts a smile on my face every time I look at his chubby puke covered cheeks. I have an amazing fiance/gigantic leprechaun who is amazingly supportive and truly the love of my life. I cherish every day that I get to spend with him and can't wait for March 17th, the day I become Mrs. Red. I have a great family (both new and long time) that loves me unconditionally and is always there for me and us. My friends are also amazing and always there for me too. Thanks Bobby D, Johnny B, and Mindi-moose, with out you, life would be pretty boring.
So now that I am filled with rainbows, unicorns, and cupcakes, let's get life started again.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
All seriousness aside...
I am about to broach a subject so taboo, I don't even discuss it with Red. It has brought me to tears numerous times. I have to go in for weekly treatments, just to maintain this condition, but it will never be cured. It has taken me years to come to terms with this condition and I still don't truly accept that it will haunt me for the rest of my life. While you will occasionally see advertisements on TV for products that correct this condition, the actors in the commercials never have this disease nearly as bad as I do. I feel that only by coming clean to you, my dear readers, may I continue down the path of acceptance.
So, ladies and gentlemen, here it is:
I have facial hair. We aren't talking a few cute little blond hairs here and there, but full on saplings growing out of my chin. I wouldn't have caterpillars over my eyes, I would have wooly mammoths, complete with tusks. My mustache would make Tom Selleck jealous.
My facial hair is so bad...
*that when I asked the lady at my local Vietnamese nail salon to wax me, she started yelling at me in her language and shooing me out of the store. I'm pretty sure she was calling me a She-demon and was scared I would snatch her child away in the night.
*that a local spa actually gave me my money back, because after waxing, there was still a full beard on my chin, and she didn't feel right about charging me.
*that I get waxed or wax myself EVERY week.
*that I tweeze stragglers every day, twice a day.
*that I keep tweezers in my car because the natural light allows me to see hairs that I couldn't see in the bathroom. The mirror above my visor is my booger and facial hair detector.
*that I have more than once, garnered the nickname of 'Bearded Goat Woman from Hell'.
*that if I gained 5 more pounds and stopped waxing, I might be confused for a seal.
*that sometimes wax and tweezers just isn't enough, I have to get out the come-along and winch.
*that I once tried a chemical hair remover and it just sat on my chin sizzling and popping for the directed amount of time, leaving the hair completely unscathed.
*that I got an estimate for laser hair removal and before giving me the price, they asked if I was able to remortgage my house.
*that the circus told me I was TOO bearded to be their sideshow freak.
I can admit, that there are days I don't leave the house and think that nobody will notice if I let my hair removal maintenance lapse. I then realize that it only creates more work for me the next time.
Having this condition has made me very aware of other women who suffer from this horrifying condition. So for these women, I would like to offer some advice:
1. Bleaching facial hair does just that. Now you look like you have a yellow mustache on your face.
2. Shaving. Don't do it. If your condition is as bad as mine, you would have to shave daily, which you probably won't do. It only draws attention to your face that you shave your face.
3. Waxing really is the only way to go. I know it hurts, but frankly, it is truly the only way to get rid of the hair temporarily.
So ladies, I know that I am not the only person suffering from this condition. Lets start a movement to bring this to mainstream media. Let's get a ribbon, a facial hair Barbie, and a celebrity spokesperson. Will you campaign with me?
-The Insomniac Mom
So, ladies and gentlemen, here it is:
I have facial hair. We aren't talking a few cute little blond hairs here and there, but full on saplings growing out of my chin. I wouldn't have caterpillars over my eyes, I would have wooly mammoths, complete with tusks. My mustache would make Tom Selleck jealous.
My facial hair is so bad...
*that when I asked the lady at my local Vietnamese nail salon to wax me, she started yelling at me in her language and shooing me out of the store. I'm pretty sure she was calling me a She-demon and was scared I would snatch her child away in the night.
*that a local spa actually gave me my money back, because after waxing, there was still a full beard on my chin, and she didn't feel right about charging me.
*that I get waxed or wax myself EVERY week.
*that I tweeze stragglers every day, twice a day.
*that I keep tweezers in my car because the natural light allows me to see hairs that I couldn't see in the bathroom. The mirror above my visor is my booger and facial hair detector.
*that I have more than once, garnered the nickname of 'Bearded Goat Woman from Hell'.
*that if I gained 5 more pounds and stopped waxing, I might be confused for a seal.
*that sometimes wax and tweezers just isn't enough, I have to get out the come-along and winch.
*that I once tried a chemical hair remover and it just sat on my chin sizzling and popping for the directed amount of time, leaving the hair completely unscathed.
*that I got an estimate for laser hair removal and before giving me the price, they asked if I was able to remortgage my house.
*that the circus told me I was TOO bearded to be their sideshow freak.
I can admit, that there are days I don't leave the house and think that nobody will notice if I let my hair removal maintenance lapse. I then realize that it only creates more work for me the next time.
Having this condition has made me very aware of other women who suffer from this horrifying condition. So for these women, I would like to offer some advice:
1. Bleaching facial hair does just that. Now you look like you have a yellow mustache on your face.
2. Shaving. Don't do it. If your condition is as bad as mine, you would have to shave daily, which you probably won't do. It only draws attention to your face that you shave your face.
3. Waxing really is the only way to go. I know it hurts, but frankly, it is truly the only way to get rid of the hair temporarily.
So ladies, I know that I am not the only person suffering from this condition. Lets start a movement to bring this to mainstream media. Let's get a ribbon, a facial hair Barbie, and a celebrity spokesperson. Will you campaign with me?
-The Insomniac Mom
Oooo Oooo That Smell...
I'm sorry that I was absent for my weekly 'Test Kitchen Tuesday' post. I seem to have contracted a bug that has rendered me incapable of functioning. My sap is running, my ear hurts, my sinuses are killing me, I have had a fever, and it feels like someone used my throat to sand the walls in our apartment. About the only thing I was able to do from Monday to this morning was drink tea and honey and take care of the Yeti. I slept all day yesterday and that is extremely out of character for me.
Finally, this morning, I woke up feeling better but not great. Red kissed me good bye and I got my ass off the couch and decided to accomplish something today.
I realized that there was some sort of smell in the house. Odd. Red took the trash out this morning. The dishes got done last night. It's not baby diapers. It's not the cat litter. What else could it be?
Holy shit, its me. I scanned my memory and realized that I didn't shower yesterday. Or Monday. My god you are disgusting. I'm gonna need a wire brush and power washer to get this stink out. Hopefully the couch hasn't absorbed this horrific odor.
So dear friends, since I am concerned that the neighbors might call the police thinking there is a rotting body up here, I am going to take a shower before the Yeti wakes up. I promise I have a great post all worked out for tomorrow. Don't call the EPA for the oil slick that will accumulate in the shower please.
Finally, this morning, I woke up feeling better but not great. Red kissed me good bye and I got my ass off the couch and decided to accomplish something today.
I realized that there was some sort of smell in the house. Odd. Red took the trash out this morning. The dishes got done last night. It's not baby diapers. It's not the cat litter. What else could it be?
Holy shit, its me. I scanned my memory and realized that I didn't shower yesterday. Or Monday. My god you are disgusting. I'm gonna need a wire brush and power washer to get this stink out. Hopefully the couch hasn't absorbed this horrific odor.
So dear friends, since I am concerned that the neighbors might call the police thinking there is a rotting body up here, I am going to take a shower before the Yeti wakes up. I promise I have a great post all worked out for tomorrow. Don't call the EPA for the oil slick that will accumulate in the shower please.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Yes, I have a crying baby. Sometimes he does that.
I know this is my first go around with a baby, but I'm pretty confident that the Yeti is fang-ing (yes fangs, not teeth). He is miserable, produces enough drool in a day to fill a 55 gallon drum (they really should find a way to turn that into an alternative energy source), chews on his hand all day, and if you happen to get your meat beaters anywhere near his face, he attempts to chomp them off. A side effect of the fang-ing, is, of course, very long bouts of inconsolable crying.
Unfortunately, these bouts of crying seem to bring on my biggest parenting pet peeve: unsolicited advice from anyone in your life from the snaggle-tooth cashier at the grocery store to my mother.
Top ten pieces of advice I have gotten on how to console a crying baby (yes, the comments in quotations are actual suggestions that I have received):
*"Maybe you should rock him." Yes, thank you, we have a rocking chair at home. The usual effect is that he cries while I rock him.
*"Have you tried a pacifier?" Yes, thank you. It seems that unless I duct tape it to his face, he spits it back out at me. Maybe I'll try super glue next time so nobody sees it, the duct tape usually attracts stares.
*"Oh, maybe you should put him in his stroller and go for a walk." Yes, thank you, because both of us want to be on the side of a truck route with no sidewalk in subzero temperatures.
*"Maybe he is hungry, you should try to feed him." You're right. He is looking a little chubby these days and we think he needs to lose weight so we have been rationing him to 4 oz of formula twice a day. Maybe we should up it.
*"Well he looks tired, you should really lay him down." You're right. I've spent every waking second with him since he was conceived, seems I've lost track of his sleep schedule.
*"Maybe he is a little gassy, have you tried gas drops?" Have you heard the Yeti's father and both grandfathers? Farting is a sport. Of course he is gassy, its genetic. They drink water, shit themselves, then blame the cat. We scotch guard boxers in our house.
*"Well here, let me hold him, maybe he just needs a change of scenery." Of course at this point he stops crying. "Huh look at that, he cries for his mommy, but not for me. He loves me sooooo much." Yeah, I'm a bad mother. He and I have this agreement that he stops crying for everyone else, just so mommy can have a break from holding him and have a stiff drink.
*"Well maybe he needs to be changed." What do you mean, changed? Like as in switch him out for another baby? Oh, his diaper, yeah, I did that last week.
*"Maybe some quiet music would calm him." I've been playing Five Finger Death Punch and Pantera for him, quietly. "No, like classical music. I read it makes them smarter." Oh, we were hoping for an underachiever so we won't be doing anything like that.
*"Sometimes I put my baby in his car seat on the dryer, they like the motion." Yeah, I saw this movie once where a woman sat on a dryer too, she wasn't wearing any clothes and she REALLY liked the motion.
So, thank you everyone for your advice, but keep your goddamn mouth shut. I have a baby screaming for no reason. The last thing I want is for you to make me feel like a contestant on Teen Mom 2.
Unfortunately, these bouts of crying seem to bring on my biggest parenting pet peeve: unsolicited advice from anyone in your life from the snaggle-tooth cashier at the grocery store to my mother.
Top ten pieces of advice I have gotten on how to console a crying baby (yes, the comments in quotations are actual suggestions that I have received):
*"Maybe you should rock him." Yes, thank you, we have a rocking chair at home. The usual effect is that he cries while I rock him.
*"Have you tried a pacifier?" Yes, thank you. It seems that unless I duct tape it to his face, he spits it back out at me. Maybe I'll try super glue next time so nobody sees it, the duct tape usually attracts stares.
*"Oh, maybe you should put him in his stroller and go for a walk." Yes, thank you, because both of us want to be on the side of a truck route with no sidewalk in subzero temperatures.
*"Maybe he is hungry, you should try to feed him." You're right. He is looking a little chubby these days and we think he needs to lose weight so we have been rationing him to 4 oz of formula twice a day. Maybe we should up it.
*"Well he looks tired, you should really lay him down." You're right. I've spent every waking second with him since he was conceived, seems I've lost track of his sleep schedule.
*"Maybe he is a little gassy, have you tried gas drops?" Have you heard the Yeti's father and both grandfathers? Farting is a sport. Of course he is gassy, its genetic. They drink water, shit themselves, then blame the cat. We scotch guard boxers in our house.
*"Well here, let me hold him, maybe he just needs a change of scenery." Of course at this point he stops crying. "Huh look at that, he cries for his mommy, but not for me. He loves me sooooo much." Yeah, I'm a bad mother. He and I have this agreement that he stops crying for everyone else, just so mommy can have a break from holding him and have a stiff drink.
*"Well maybe he needs to be changed." What do you mean, changed? Like as in switch him out for another baby? Oh, his diaper, yeah, I did that last week.
*"Maybe some quiet music would calm him." I've been playing Five Finger Death Punch and Pantera for him, quietly. "No, like classical music. I read it makes them smarter." Oh, we were hoping for an underachiever so we won't be doing anything like that.
*"Sometimes I put my baby in his car seat on the dryer, they like the motion." Yeah, I saw this movie once where a woman sat on a dryer too, she wasn't wearing any clothes and she REALLY liked the motion.
So, thank you everyone for your advice, but keep your goddamn mouth shut. I have a baby screaming for no reason. The last thing I want is for you to make me feel like a contestant on Teen Mom 2.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
RIP Tyrannosaurus Chainsaw
I have been anticipating tonight's big event more than a sexually active 16 year old waits for her late period.
After tolerating the roaring child of an earthquake and freight train that emanates from Red's face, every night, for WAY too long, he is having his sleep study tonight.
Let's give an absolutely honest and accurate description of Red's snoring:
*So loud, it scares the baby.
*So loud, his 3 year old niece once asked me if there was a monster upstairs (when he was passed out in a bedroom at his parents house, with the door shut, and we were all in the living room downstairs).
*So loud, when we were in the hospital after having the Yeti, it was the primary topic of conversation among the nurses.
*So loud, I can hear it in the living room, with 2 rooms and 3 doors shut in between us.
*So loud, that if he falls asleep in his chair, I have to put Closed Caption on the tv just to know what Snooki and J-woww are talking about (usually sex, but I like the juicy details since I have a child now, it is the only action I get)
*So loud our friends will not camp next to us, we are required to get a site across the campground.
In celebration of ear plug free nights ahead and a sleeping baby, tonight's menu consists of:
*A bottle of Sangiovese Di Toscana (the Insomniac Mom's favorite wine, please email me if you would like to send wine donations)
*Brie and Honey on French Bread (Warning: do not put honey in your hair, see previous post)
*70% cacao dark chocolate
So raise your glass and toast to me, dear friends! God bless the CPAP!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The BP Oil Spill has nothing on this disaster...
Once again, it was a snowy night up here in Vermont and I was all alone with my Yeti and Snarles Barkley. I was perusing Pinterest and saw a pin for an at home hot oil treatment. Some dumbass I got the bright idea to try this out. Hey, its from eHow, someone must know what they are talking about right? So, I cooked myself up a nice hot cup of tea, turned on some shameless reality TV, grabbed a Valentines Day Debbie Cake, and whipped up this concoction.
Here is the recipe:
3 tsp olive oil
1 tsp honey
Bring to a mixture to a boil and stir to combine well. Remove from heat, allow to cool. Pour into hair, comb through, wrap in a plastic bag or shower cap for 20-30 minutes and shampoo out. Be sure to use cold water rinse as it keeps the hair shaft closed and allows the oil to stay in there doing it's thing.
Me thinking that I have tackled much more complicated recipes and procedures, feels that this is a sure thing. It's about as easy as a drunk freshman on prom night.
Cooked up the recipe no problem. Got to use my cool new non-stick whisk/sexual torture device. There seemed to be a little difference, however, in the end result of the product.
I poured it into my hair (after lots of whisking) and when I tried to comb through my hair, there seemed to be a gigantic glob of honey and matted hair. Oil was no where to be found. Still thinking the situation was salvageable, I grabbed my pick comb, and tried to comb the greasy crap through my hair.
As this amalgamation cooled, the rat's nest cemented with honey continued to solidify on the back of my head. I tried to 'pick' through it, but ended up ripping out more of my already thinning post pregnancy hair. Panic set in. I flashed back to visions of getting bubble gum getting cut out of my hair in kindergarten leaving me with a huge bald spot in the back of my head for ages. I thought I would have to call the EPA in to rescue me a la an otter an in oil spill. I can see them breaking down the door now in their orange hazmat suits and bottles of Dawn in their hands.
Solution: get the bottle of olive oil and dump it in the hair. Now, I have hair drenched in olive oil, with a huge honey soaked tangled knot.
I contemplated getting Red's clippers, but didn't think the Britney Spears/GI Jane look was really for me.
With little option left, I turned on the shower, praying that shampoo and near boiling water would dissolve honey. I didn't care if I smelled like a character out of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
I got out the Head and Shoulders thinking it was the harshest shampoo in my arsenal. I scrubbed like a rookie hair dresser. MOST of it came out (with MOST of my hair and black dye job I did yesterday*). I could still feel clumps of honey. So...I worked in about 20 pumps of Wen conditioner, wrapped my mangled hair in a towel, and am now sitting in my leather chair (which needs a name by the way).
I thoroughly regret my decision to have a nice girly spa night. Clearly God is telling me that I do not deserve any mommy beauty time.
Word to the wise: information on the internet may or may not be true or useful.
Screw you eHow.
*Can someone explain why at 28 the hair on my head is gray but the hair on my chin is black?
Here is the recipe:
3 tsp olive oil
1 tsp honey
Bring to a mixture to a boil and stir to combine well. Remove from heat, allow to cool. Pour into hair, comb through, wrap in a plastic bag or shower cap for 20-30 minutes and shampoo out. Be sure to use cold water rinse as it keeps the hair shaft closed and allows the oil to stay in there doing it's thing.
Me thinking that I have tackled much more complicated recipes and procedures, feels that this is a sure thing. It's about as easy as a drunk freshman on prom night.
Cooked up the recipe no problem. Got to use my cool new non-stick whisk/sexual torture device. There seemed to be a little difference, however, in the end result of the product.
I poured it into my hair (after lots of whisking) and when I tried to comb through my hair, there seemed to be a gigantic glob of honey and matted hair. Oil was no where to be found. Still thinking the situation was salvageable, I grabbed my pick comb, and tried to comb the greasy crap through my hair.
As this amalgamation cooled, the rat's nest cemented with honey continued to solidify on the back of my head. I tried to 'pick' through it, but ended up ripping out more of my already thinning post pregnancy hair. Panic set in. I flashed back to visions of getting bubble gum getting cut out of my hair in kindergarten leaving me with a huge bald spot in the back of my head for ages. I thought I would have to call the EPA in to rescue me a la an otter an in oil spill. I can see them breaking down the door now in their orange hazmat suits and bottles of Dawn in their hands.
Solution: get the bottle of olive oil and dump it in the hair. Now, I have hair drenched in olive oil, with a huge honey soaked tangled knot.
I contemplated getting Red's clippers, but didn't think the Britney Spears/GI Jane look was really for me.
With little option left, I turned on the shower, praying that shampoo and near boiling water would dissolve honey. I didn't care if I smelled like a character out of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
I got out the Head and Shoulders thinking it was the harshest shampoo in my arsenal. I scrubbed like a rookie hair dresser. MOST of it came out (with MOST of my hair and black dye job I did yesterday*). I could still feel clumps of honey. So...I worked in about 20 pumps of Wen conditioner, wrapped my mangled hair in a towel, and am now sitting in my leather chair (which needs a name by the way).
I thoroughly regret my decision to have a nice girly spa night. Clearly God is telling me that I do not deserve any mommy beauty time.
Word to the wise: information on the internet may or may not be true or useful.
Screw you eHow.
*Can someone explain why at 28 the hair on my head is gray but the hair on my chin is black?
On Nagging and Diet Food...
I have recently been nagging positively encouraging Red to eat healthier and maybe even drop a few pounds. It certainly has nothing to do with appearance, I just want him to live a long healthy life, not become a Discovery Channel special involving cranes, the indoor use of chainsaws, and three fire departments.
The epic challenge surrounding this war is that Red is absolutely the pickiest human being I know. He is the polar opposite of me. I watch Bizzare Foods with Andrew Zimmern and would eat most of what he features on his show. The list of foods Red will not eat ranges from tomato sauce (unless it is sandwiched between crust and cheese and involved in anything referred to as 'Meat Lovers') to apples.
So, I have made it my mission to stock the house with healthy paw food (a term my father, who, like Red, drives truck for a living, coined for food you can eat easily with your hands). The kitchen is stocked with grapes, clementines, granola bars, homemade healthy banana nut muffins (recipe to follow), 100 cal packs of various snack food, and many other goodies. So here are some conversations regarding the foods I have stocked for him:
*Regarding Pringles 100 cal packs:
Red: You know those Pringles you got me?
Me: Yes.
Red: They're kind of small.
Me: Really? Sorry, I didn't think an entire tin would fit in your lunch box.
*Regarding grapes:
Me: Hey, how come the bunch of grapes I packed in your lunch three days ago is still in there? You love grapes.
Red: They are hard to eat.
Me: Are you peeling them individually?
*Regarding Clementines:
Me: You drink orange juice by the 55 gallon drum, why won't you eat oranges?
Red: They make my hands smell like orange when I'm done eating them.
Me: They make soap and water.
*3 days later*
Red: I ate four tangerines today.
Me: Awesome, where did you get those?
Red: Off the kitchen table.
Me: We don't have any tangerines. Do you mean clementines?
Red: Whatever. Can you buy more?
Me: Sigh
*Regarding my homemade healthy banana nut muffins:
Red: Those have a funny texture.
Me: Yeah, I bought them from Dunkin Donuts, picked out all the fat, then reassembled them. The super glue holding them together makes 'em a little chewier.
Hannah's Healthy Banana Nut Muffins:
Ingredients:
The epic challenge surrounding this war is that Red is absolutely the pickiest human being I know. He is the polar opposite of me. I watch Bizzare Foods with Andrew Zimmern and would eat most of what he features on his show. The list of foods Red will not eat ranges from tomato sauce (unless it is sandwiched between crust and cheese and involved in anything referred to as 'Meat Lovers') to apples.
So, I have made it my mission to stock the house with healthy paw food (a term my father, who, like Red, drives truck for a living, coined for food you can eat easily with your hands). The kitchen is stocked with grapes, clementines, granola bars, homemade healthy banana nut muffins (recipe to follow), 100 cal packs of various snack food, and many other goodies. So here are some conversations regarding the foods I have stocked for him:
*Regarding Pringles 100 cal packs:
Red: You know those Pringles you got me?
Me: Yes.
Red: They're kind of small.
Me: Really? Sorry, I didn't think an entire tin would fit in your lunch box.
*Regarding grapes:
Me: Hey, how come the bunch of grapes I packed in your lunch three days ago is still in there? You love grapes.
Red: They are hard to eat.
Me: Are you peeling them individually?
*Regarding Clementines:
Me: You drink orange juice by the 55 gallon drum, why won't you eat oranges?
Red: They make my hands smell like orange when I'm done eating them.
Me: They make soap and water.
*3 days later*
Red: I ate four tangerines today.
Me: Awesome, where did you get those?
Red: Off the kitchen table.
Me: We don't have any tangerines. Do you mean clementines?
Red: Whatever. Can you buy more?
Me: Sigh
*Regarding my homemade healthy banana nut muffins:
Red: Those have a funny texture.
Me: Yeah, I bought them from Dunkin Donuts, picked out all the fat, then reassembled them. The super glue holding them together makes 'em a little chewier.
Beware the evil health food.
Hannah's Healthy Banana Nut Muffins:
Ingredients:
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 F
1. In a small bowl, mash together eggs, bananas, and liquid. Make sure very or over ripe bananas are used, you really need that moisture
2. In a separate bowl, combine remaining ingredients. In the center, form a small 'bowl'
3. Pour wet ingredients into dry ingredient 'bowl'. Fold in gently. DO NOT OVER MIX, IT WILL CAUSE THE MUFFINS TO BE TOUGH
4. Put mixture into muffin tin. I use an ice cream scoop and use a nonstick muffin tin. This recipe is a little sticky. I made the mistake of using paper cupcake liners and they were difficult to pull off the muffins. This makes 11-12 muffins.
5. Bake 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. I find these bake at exactly 20 mins.
Note: these muffins do not have a traditional cakey texture - they are a little chewier. However, they are VERY low fat and low cal.
*I have a large Tupperware in the fridge that I reserve the liquid from canned fruit in. Since I only buy canned fruit that is canned in fruit juice or light syrup, it isn't all sugar. I use this in anything from marinades to cooking to mixed drinks. It does have a lot of flavor.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Wacky Wednesday: I Miss Spontaneity
My dearest Red and I have not been on a nice date in probably 8-9 months. Work schedules, lack of money, weather, holidays, and a Yeti seem to have put a serious damper on our dating/romantic life. Last weekend, I couldn't take it any more. I put my foot down and set a date for this Wednesday (todayyyyyy!!!) of dropping everything, no matter what, to have a romantic evening out. It got me thinking how different planning a night out really is before and after having a baby, lets examine some of those:
Planning to take care of a week in advance BEFORE children:
Planning to take care of a week in advance BEFORE children:
- Ummm...you expect me to commit to something a week in advance? Unless it is a major holiday like Cinco de Mayo, St. Patrick's Day, or Thanksgiving Eve, I don't think so, a better offer might come up.
Planning to take care of a week in advance AFTER children:
- Find a sitter.
- Find a restaurant where absolutely NO screaming children will be allowed and you will not see anyone you know. I want to have conversation with Red, not eat my meal while he has conversation with his long lost best friend five tables away. Hell, why not just join each other.
Outfit planning BEFORE children:
- Sniff test any number of very hot bar hopping outfits you own. Preferably the one that the cat has slept on the least. Pair with hooker boots. Wear enough body spray so nobody will notice you haven't done laundry in at least 3 weeks (ummm laundry seriously cuts into drinking time)*
*I've always thought that a bar with a laundromat in it would be a huge success.
Outfit planning AFTER children:
- Oh fuck, I only have two pairs of jeans that fit me since hatching the Yeti and one shirt fit to wear in public that doesn't have baby puke stains on it. Time to go buy a new outfit.
Primping before a date BEFORE children:
- Bi weekly acrylic nail session? CHECK. Bi weekly full body waxing? CHECK. Bi weekly pedicure? CHECK. Hair cut and color obsessively maintained? CHECK
- Date actually wears sexy clothes and cologne
Primping before a date AFTER children:
- Wake up at 5 am for the following activities because I have let myself go for approximately 6 months and everything takes six times longer when you have an infant in the house:
- Dye hair to hide roots/grays
- Wax face to avoid confusion with being a circus freak and/or the Bearded Goat Woman from Hell
- Shave arm pits AND legs - not just the calves, the ENTIRE leg (yeah right, you will get a shower that long). Prepare for the possibility that I MIGHT get some tonight.
- Try to figure out how you can't paint your fingernails and hope that the Yeti requires no maintenance for at least an hour (yeah right) so as not to smudge nails. Screw it, he can cry.
- Try to find another 25+ minutes to paint toe nails.
- Clean house because Mother decides she wants to come visit
- Find: flat iron, make up, jewelry, and footwear OTHER than Crocs
- Do laundry so Red has something to wear.
- Pack diaper bag
- Answer the question "Honey, do I have to wear something nice?" If you expect me to bring you.
- Drop Yeti at in laws BEFORE you get dressed to avoid puke stains on new stain-free outfit.
Purse contents on a date BEFORE children:
- Eye shadow
- Lip gloss
- ID, Debit card, $
- Condom
Purse contents on a date AFTER children (note, you really only need the first three items on that list):
- Spare make up
- Wallet with every store and club card within 23 miles
- Baby wipes
- 3-4 rogue pacifiers
- Kleenex
- Lint roller
- Gas drops (not for me)
Date conversation BEFORE children:
- Anything fun, exciting, engaging, political, gossipy, naughty that comes to mind
Date conversation AFTER children:
- Oh hey your W2 came in the mail. Cool.
- I paid the cell phone bill. Yup.
- The mail lady came at 11:39 today not 11:35.
Post date activities BEFORE children (one of the following):
- Holy shit, it's last call already? Time to find a party to go to.
- Holy shit, it's last call already? Shit, I gotta change and get to work.
- Holy shit, it's last call already? Gotta find a random.
Post date activities AFTER children:
- Holy shit, it's 7:00 pm, we have to get going to go pick up the baby and get to bed.
Me BEFORE children:
Me AFTER children:
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Test Kitchen Tuesday - Johnsonville Chicken Sausage
I'll admit this is a slightly uninspiring blog post, but hey, what the hell...
Keeping in tradition of Test Kitchen Tuesday, I recently tried Johnsonville's new Chicken Sausages. We have covered Red's love of bacon, but not sausage. It ranks a close second. I thought that since I was able to match a coupon with a BOGO sale, I would try these alternatives to snausage.
One night I made baked ziti and added the sliced up 'sausage'. I will admit that the flavor and consistency were not what I was expecting. They were more like Polish Kielbasa rather than a traditional pork sausage. Red loved them, I found them a little yucky*.
*I have a pretty permanent visceral reaction to all forms of ground meat. Working with it, cooking it, eating it - makes me gag. Don't know why, I think it is a texture thing - I like my meat whole, not mashed.
The next time I used it, I sliced it up and sauteed it with some frozen pierogi (Polish ravioli for all of you not in the know). This is my favorite unhealthy - I don't feel like cooking meal. I thought that the sausages were better in this dish, but still not a huge fan. Red gobbled them right up.
Would I recommend them? I personally wouldn't, but Red thought they were great. It is probably my hatred of ground meats that interferes with an unbiased opinion of this food.
Maple Dijon Glaze
Since Red sugars every spring (makes maple syrup for those of you who aren't in the know), we always have a pretty heft supply of maple syrup and maple cream in the fridge at my cooking disposal. I created this recipe to be used on pork chops, but have also used it on boneless chicken breasts. The last time I made this, I brined my pork chops for a day before cooking them for a little added moisture and flavor. It is certainly not necessary to do this, but if I have the time and forethought, I always do.
Meat:
3-4 pork chops
Salt
Pepper
Brine:
2 qt water
1/2 cup sea salt
Any fruits or veggies for flavor
1 tbl whole cloves
1 tbl black peppercorns
1 tbl whole allspice
1 tbl rosemary
Glaze:
1 tbl butter
1/4 cup maple cream
1/4 cup chicken stock
3 tbl apple cider vinegar
3 tbl mustard (either a dijon or stone ground)
1 shallot, sliced
1. Bring to boil 2 qts water and 1/2 cup sea salt. In addition to this, I add fruit that I think has no where to go but in the garbage can. This time I added 1/2 grapefruit, 2 clementines, 2 apples (cored), and 3 cloves garlic. Boil for 45 - 60 min. Allow to cool to room temperature. Pour cooled brine with contents over pork chops, cover, and refrigerate up to 24 hours.
2. Preheat oven to 350 F. Remove chops from brine and discard brine. Pat the pork chops dry, this allows them to get that nice browning effect. Season both sides with salt and pepper.
3. Heat an oven proof skillet over medium high heat with enough olive oil to lightly coat the bottom. Cook chops on both sides until lightly browned. Remove from pan.
4. Melt butter in the pan, use a whisk to scrape up all the browned bits on the bottom of the pan.
5. As butter is melting, combine the remaining ingredients in a small bowl. When butter is melted, add the other combined ingredients to the skillet. Allow to simmer until reduced by half.
6. Place chops back in the pan, spoon sauce over them, and place in a 350 F oven. Cook until internal temp of pork is 160 F, basting with the sauce every 4-5 minutes.
7. Remove pan from oven, allow to sit 5 minutes before serving.
This recipe is a hit in my house and is not time consuming at all. It comes out great every time!
Meat:
3-4 pork chops
Salt
Pepper
Brine:
2 qt water
1/2 cup sea salt
Any fruits or veggies for flavor
1 tbl whole cloves
1 tbl black peppercorns
1 tbl whole allspice
1 tbl rosemary
Glaze:
1 tbl butter
1/4 cup maple cream
1/4 cup chicken stock
3 tbl apple cider vinegar
3 tbl mustard (either a dijon or stone ground)
1 shallot, sliced
1. Bring to boil 2 qts water and 1/2 cup sea salt. In addition to this, I add fruit that I think has no where to go but in the garbage can. This time I added 1/2 grapefruit, 2 clementines, 2 apples (cored), and 3 cloves garlic. Boil for 45 - 60 min. Allow to cool to room temperature. Pour cooled brine with contents over pork chops, cover, and refrigerate up to 24 hours.
2. Preheat oven to 350 F. Remove chops from brine and discard brine. Pat the pork chops dry, this allows them to get that nice browning effect. Season both sides with salt and pepper.
3. Heat an oven proof skillet over medium high heat with enough olive oil to lightly coat the bottom. Cook chops on both sides until lightly browned. Remove from pan.
4. Melt butter in the pan, use a whisk to scrape up all the browned bits on the bottom of the pan.
5. As butter is melting, combine the remaining ingredients in a small bowl. When butter is melted, add the other combined ingredients to the skillet. Allow to simmer until reduced by half.
6. Place chops back in the pan, spoon sauce over them, and place in a 350 F oven. Cook until internal temp of pork is 160 F, basting with the sauce every 4-5 minutes.
7. Remove pan from oven, allow to sit 5 minutes before serving.
This recipe is a hit in my house and is not time consuming at all. It comes out great every time!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Inspectin' Bridges!
I've recently had some people inquire as to what I used to do for work, so I'll show ya!
State transportation agencies employ 'inspectors'. Our job is to make sure that private contractors are building bridges and roads to state and federal specifications. We read plans and specification books to make sure that everything is getting done the way it should be. So, here are pics and vids of the last job I was working on - it is an almost $50 million dollar project in Turners Falls, Massachusetts. The bridge is over a dam on the Connecticut River (96 feet from road surface to rocks and gushing water).
State transportation agencies employ 'inspectors'. Our job is to make sure that private contractors are building bridges and roads to state and federal specifications. We read plans and specification books to make sure that everything is getting done the way it should be. So, here are pics and vids of the last job I was working on - it is an almost $50 million dollar project in Turners Falls, Massachusetts. The bridge is over a dam on the Connecticut River (96 feet from road surface to rocks and gushing water).
The view from under the bridge - almost 1/4 mile long
Me running the big Tonka toys
Water running under the bridge - DON'T fall in.
What is more exciting than walking on 8" wide beams 96' over rocks and gushing water in the dark?
There ya go! It's dirty and dangerous and I loved every second of it!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Extreme Couponing Gripes...continued
If you weren't sick of me ranting about that stupid show, you may be when you are finished reading this post. I spent a few minutes of quiet time researching the negative impact of the show Extreme Couponing.
Google 'Extreme Couponing Backlash' and you will be awarded with a plethora of articles from such sites as MSN Money, Today News, Yahoo, and other reputable sites who are listing the effect of thistrain wreck show.
It seems that since EC has been on air, coupon use has skyrocketed, which super markets and manufacturers appreciate to a point. However...
-Many major supermarket chains have limited their coupon policy due to the large number of people shelf clearing. WTF people - this is a true sign of American greed that couponers are clearing shelves so that others may not use their normal amounts of coupons to feed their family economically
-Supermarket managers are stating that people think it is acceptable to argue with cashiers or the managers over coupon policies/usage. Doing this also angers other customers who are waiting in the check out line behind said selfish assholes. This is unbelievable to me - I will admit that I have had POLITE interactions with my store staff about couponing discrepencies, but work within the rules people. My local chain has a crystal clear coupon policy that I have never had a problem following.
-Theft of Sunday newspapers and illegal coupon photocopying has gone through the roof. My god people - I'm sure we all know plenty of people who buy Sunday papers who DON'T coupon and would be more than happy to give you their inserts.
-More coupon manufacturers are placing heavier restrictions on the usage of their coupons. Had to ruin it for everyone didn't you? Selfish bastards.
-Women (usually stay at home moms) claiming they spend 40+ hours per week and making their kids clip coupons is a way to spend quality time with their brood? Can you say 'violation of child labor laws'? Looking for ways to spend quality time with your children? How 'bout you plop them in front of their xbox 360 or DS. Maybe if you had less than enough kids to replace the robots on Its A Small World, you wouldn't be so broke.
-Women who vehemently state that they will ONLY buy food that they have a coupon for? What about fresh fruit and veggies and meat that isn't canned, processed, or frozen? I will admit that I think it is a myth that coupons only exist for junk food. As long as you aren't a organic-gluten free-food Nazi, there are plenty of coupons for healthy goods (soups, eggs, yogurt, etc). I will admit that I concentrate my produce and meat shopping on foods that are currently on sale, but never deny myself and my family fresh food. Have you seen some of the morbidly obese women on this show?
-Some psychologists are actually claiming that couponing is the newest form of OCD - people are obsessively scouring flyers and clipping coupons to get the best deal. Have you seen these people having anxiety attacks at the register? Not normal.
-Also, the marketing psychology behind coupons can sometimes get the unaware consumer to spend MORE money, not save. For example, you need ice cream (everyone needs ice cream, right?). You only need ONE half gallon, but you have a coupon for $1.00 of of two - hey, why not get them both, you are saving money right? You have a coupon. In reality, you are now almost doubling the money you have spent on ice cream and are bringing home an extra 19,439 calories into the household.
In one article, a journalist contacted TLC about these apparent negative effects on the couponing microcosm. TLC gave the standard 'McDonalds answer to obesity' stating that it is just a television show and people can do with that subject matter what they want. Hmm...doesn't TLC stand for The Learning Channel? or is it Take Lots of Coupons? Looks like they are teaching people bad habits to me.
In conclusion: thank you Extreme Couponers for ruining couponing for those people who use it in moderation to feed their family or to be able to afford to make donations food pantries, animal shelters, and emergency services. Way to go.
Google 'Extreme Couponing Backlash' and you will be awarded with a plethora of articles from such sites as MSN Money, Today News, Yahoo, and other reputable sites who are listing the effect of this
It seems that since EC has been on air, coupon use has skyrocketed, which super markets and manufacturers appreciate to a point. However...
-Many major supermarket chains have limited their coupon policy due to the large number of people shelf clearing. WTF people - this is a true sign of American greed that couponers are clearing shelves so that others may not use their normal amounts of coupons to feed their family economically
-Supermarket managers are stating that people think it is acceptable to argue with cashiers or the managers over coupon policies/usage. Doing this also angers other customers who are waiting in the check out line behind said selfish assholes. This is unbelievable to me - I will admit that I have had POLITE interactions with my store staff about couponing discrepencies, but work within the rules people. My local chain has a crystal clear coupon policy that I have never had a problem following.
-Theft of Sunday newspapers and illegal coupon photocopying has gone through the roof. My god people - I'm sure we all know plenty of people who buy Sunday papers who DON'T coupon and would be more than happy to give you their inserts.
-More coupon manufacturers are placing heavier restrictions on the usage of their coupons. Had to ruin it for everyone didn't you? Selfish bastards.
-Women (usually stay at home moms) claiming they spend 40+ hours per week and making their kids clip coupons is a way to spend quality time with their brood? Can you say 'violation of child labor laws'? Looking for ways to spend quality time with your children? How 'bout you plop them in front of their xbox 360 or DS. Maybe if you had less than enough kids to replace the robots on Its A Small World, you wouldn't be so broke.
-Women who vehemently state that they will ONLY buy food that they have a coupon for? What about fresh fruit and veggies and meat that isn't canned, processed, or frozen? I will admit that I think it is a myth that coupons only exist for junk food. As long as you aren't a organic-gluten free-food Nazi, there are plenty of coupons for healthy goods (soups, eggs, yogurt, etc). I will admit that I concentrate my produce and meat shopping on foods that are currently on sale, but never deny myself and my family fresh food. Have you seen some of the morbidly obese women on this show?
-Some psychologists are actually claiming that couponing is the newest form of OCD - people are obsessively scouring flyers and clipping coupons to get the best deal. Have you seen these people having anxiety attacks at the register? Not normal.
-Also, the marketing psychology behind coupons can sometimes get the unaware consumer to spend MORE money, not save. For example, you need ice cream (everyone needs ice cream, right?). You only need ONE half gallon, but you have a coupon for $1.00 of of two - hey, why not get them both, you are saving money right? You have a coupon. In reality, you are now almost doubling the money you have spent on ice cream and are bringing home an extra 19,439 calories into the household.
In one article, a journalist contacted TLC about these apparent negative effects on the couponing microcosm. TLC gave the standard 'McDonalds answer to obesity' stating that it is just a television show and people can do with that subject matter what they want. Hmm...doesn't TLC stand for The Learning Channel? or is it Take Lots of Coupons? Looks like they are teaching people bad habits to me.
In conclusion: thank you Extreme Couponers for ruining couponing for those people who use it in moderation to feed their family or to be able to afford to make donations food pantries, animal shelters, and emergency services. Way to go.
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