A View into the Minds of New Dads

When we had the Yeti, we agreed that since my Red drives trucks and runs heavy equipment all day and that I stay at home and rarely sleep, that I would take care of all the night time wake ups.  I absolutely had no problem with this and it works very well.  No over tired heavy equipment operators, thank you.

Christmas day, after we finished our family obligations, we decided to just go home, watch a movie, and crash.  Recover from that holiday hangover.  Red fell asleep in the green sleeping pill, and the Yeti, who was wide awake, was expecting to be entertained.  So, when Red awoke, I asked that he provide entertainment so that I could take an uninterrupted nap for an hour or so.  I escape into the bedroom, shut the doors, turn up the tv, snuggle with my favorite body pillow and Snarles Barkley and blissfully drift off to sleep.

Insert baby screams.

I tried to sleep through it.  I just kept hoping he would stop.  We aren't talking fussing or crying, but that infant scream.  You know it.

Well, I guess that nap is done.  I enter the living room, eye brows furrowed, awaiting to attack the first thing that looked at me.  I made sure I stubbed my toe on the door casing just to make sure I was extra ticked off.

Why is the baby screaming? He's hungry, feed him. - Me

What is that?  Mom sense?  How am I supposed to know that noise means he wants to eat. - Red

We had a few hours of very nonexistent conversation until I decided we needed to go for a ride and see what there was for Christmas lights in the hilltowns before they got taken down.

Sometimes I get really frustrated because you spend so much time with the Yeti and know everything about him, but I don't. - Red

I felt bad.  I wondered what must really go through a dad's mind when he knows he doesn't have that connection that a mother and infant have.  I had to forgive him for interrupting my Christmas day nap and have a new understanding of what goes through his mind.  I'm starting to think men are more complex than women.

Baby Torture Device aka the CRIB

Before the Yeti was born, my Red's very generous mom took me to Babies 'R Us to purchase a crib.  We got a beautiful one that was modeled after sleigh style furniture.  At our pig roast/baby shower we got the most adorable bed set with monkeys on it and I couldn't wait to get his nursery all set up and decorated.  I couldn't wait to bring my little man home to sleep in his new cozy quarters.

Ok, so we had the Yeti, blah blah blah, get home, and put him in his crib.

Insert baby screams.

Tried that for a few nights, assumed (being a new mom) that it was normal for brand new infant to scream all night long.

Insert more baby screams, punctuated by hourly breast feeding.

Discovery, the Yeti sleeps in his swing during the day.  Light bulb.
If Yeti sleeps in his swing during the day, then Yeti sleeps in his swing at night = true, then Hannah gets some rest.  The equation was true.  So, we moved his swing into his room (next to ours) and it was like a big old bunny sleeping pill.

Four weeks down the road, stupid me decides I'm sick of tripping over the swing in his less than spacious room, and put him in his crib for the night.

Insert baby screams.  Back in the swing.

Hmm...poll friends who have children.

The following is a list of things that did not make my baby want to sleep in his crib:
Ticking clock
Lights on
Lights off
Night light
No night light
Re-wash sheets
Swaddled
Not swaddled
Mobile
No mobile
Music
No music
Hot water bottle under the sheets
No hot water bottle
Sweatshirt that smells like us in the crib
Crying it out (yes, he screamed for a full 8 hours)

I was resigned to the fact that the Yeti would sleep in his swing until he grew out of it.  However considering the fact that at 7 weeks old he is so tall he wears 6 month clothes, I figured his growth rate would put him out of the swing shortly.

So, every day, while doing what ever it is I do all day, I would put him in his crib (awake) for a few minutes every day with the mobile on.  He seemed quite content in there.  He even finally got to the point that he would fall asleep in there.

Success came when the Yeti was 8 weeks 6 days old.  I put him in his crib, at night, for the first time since he was 3 weeks old.  Mobile on, lights off.  Boom, he fell asleep.  I laid awake all night long awaiting the nuclear meltdown, and it never came.

It was one of my big moments of feeling like I actually did something right as a mother.  Thank god for small miracles.

Just a little creative writing...

An Ode to the Midnight Change

At the midnight hour,

Your sweet coos begin to sour.

As I lift my heavy head,

From the pillows in my bed,

With eyes afire from the light,

Delicious sleep, my brain does fight.

I pray for a blow out, NOT

As I lift my screaming tot.

Dreary digits wrangle onsie snaps,

My nostrils curl from the craps.

Wipe the guano from your ass,

Another child? I think I’ll pass.

Talcum powder I do squeeze.

Don’t inhale! Oh no, a sneeze.

Frigid air, a fountain is caused,

We both need to switch pajamas.

Now the diaper is back on,

My kicking babe, Satan’s Spawn.

Back asleep, my little brat.

Oh no, I stepped on the cat.

I lay in bed, now wide awake.

Infomercials again, for Christ’s sake.