Saturday, February 4, 2012

Things they don't teach you in parenting classes...

1.  Snap education 101:  Trying to connect the 33 snaps and get them properly aligned on a screaming infant's PJ's at 3:00 am is like Helen Keller trying to solve a Rubik's Cube.

2.  Breastfeeding:  No matter how great they make it sound, there are just some mothers and babies that aren't cut out for it.  Sorry hippies.

3.  Showers:  Don't expect one daily anymore.

4.  Things that make a baby cry: mommy sitting down for dinner, mommy taking a shower (see item 3), mommy putting her head on a pillow, mommy sneezing while putting sleeping baby in it's crib

5a.  Things that a baby will sleep though: chainsaws, a helicopter landing, loud music
5b.  Things that will wake a baby up: cricket farts, the cat walking by, see also item 4

6.  The day after you clip baby claws fingernails, they still look like they will be able to climb trees the next day.

7.  No one can prepare you for the fire hose that baby boys produce.  No one.  Always have a cover on that thing or wear a rain coat.  I have had pee dripping from the ceiling.

8.  Baby puke is like garlic.  You get it on your skin and the smell can't be washed out.

9.  You need a 4 year engineering degree to put together most baby items (swings, bouncy seats, cribs).  And a beer.  And extra tools so you can throw at least one.

10.  It never fails that the instant you have gotten the baby rocked to sleep after hours of crying, you realize that you have to piss like Seabiscuit at the Kentucky Derby.  Maybe invest in catheters.


  1. Just started following your blog! Totally cracking up reading this post because ohh my goodness. I can SO relate!!!!!

    #2- Couldn't agree more!!! I know it's good for the baby but they kindof over-romanticize the whole idea (who are they kidding that it doesn't hurt?! it does!!! no matter how you do it!) Sometimes it just isn't going to work out! (especially with baby tummy problems or with ours, the fact that he would scream the second he was even partly sideways!)

    #7- no joke! Lol. One of the funniest memories is when our son was just a few days old. Hubby was changing him and he started peeing everywhere right after the diaper came off! Then started crying, and spitting up, and then pooping ALL at once! Ohh my...Those Huggies commercials got boys spot on!

    #9- uh yah.. definitely. We didn't try to use our baby seat before we left the hospital, and had NO idea how you adjusted it. It was snowing. And freezing cold. and poor baby was crying and crying because it was too tight. And the nurse just looked at us like... seriously you guys?! Ohh my. Memories!!! lol

  2. this is so true! && i loved it.
    great post. i just belly laughed at some of them, but every single one is the truth! i am a new follower. i can't wait to read more. check out my blog and if you like follow along.

  3. I agree with all ten! I read number one to my husband and he could not stop laughing!


  4. @Laura - I feel your pain. We too, had only installed our car seat, but never toyed with it. When we were getting ready to leave the hospital with baby (in the snow), Red went out to the car and it took him 30 minutes to figure out how to remove the seat from the base!
    @Chelsea & Lee Fam - glad you enjoyed! Stay tuned for more hilarity and can't wait to check you guys out too!

    1. this brings back memories! mine are older now-cant get enough of this

  5. So true!!! Although, I think some girl babies should get an honorable mention in item #7. Lol - my Lilly is more like a fire hydrant than a fire hose! She flooded everything around her in seconds. Gross! :o(

  6. hey i found you and am now following you. i hope you can follow me back at

  7. Haha! Soooooo true!
    Thanks for linking up, this was a great post!

  8. LOL!!!! It's all so true and kinda funny to think back on. :)

  9. lmbo!!! this is perfect and OH SO TRUE!
    Look forward to reading more (following you now!)