Christmas Eve Chaos

Ok, every dog has its' day, so the saying goes.  While doing my Christmas Eve baking for my in laws gathering, there were several minor disasters which almost ended in me wearing sweatpants and spending the entire evening on the couch with a teeny tiny glass of red wine.

I based my menu choices on my mother-in-law informing me that for their holiday gathering they would be doing 'pick me up' food.  That way, she said, nobody would have to cook anything.  Hmmm....  So I decided to make the pastry wrapped brie recipe from the Pillsbury website and I altered a mini-pie recipe from the same site.  Of course she then decided a few days later that we would be having prime rib and lobster (certainly no complaints with that) so my selection of appetizers seemed a little bit inappropriate.  Oh well.  I already had everything, I'm refuse to go to the grocery store again.

We begin our Christmas disaster on the day before, que hazy memory scene.  I had gotten Red a pound of hand cut bacon from our local butcher for his birthday and promised I would cook it up Saturday morning.

Fast forward to Saturday morning.  The pastry wrapped brie (I have included the link at the end of this post, which I followed this recipe almost exactly and it came out amazingly).  I have all the dishes done and put away, all my ingredients out, and the yeti happily kicking Kaptain Kalamari in his bouncy seat.  I am READY to bake, until it happened.  Red poked his head in the kitchen and requested his birthday bacon just as I was cooking down the cranberry sauce and toasting the almonds.  I really couldn't say no, could it?  Needless to say, the bacon was the proverbial straw on the camel's back.  Cranberry sauce and almonds got burnt, thrown away and re-done.  In my frustration I forgot to add the orange peel to the sauce.

However, when we finally arrived at Christmas Eve and baked the brie, it came out better than I could have planned.  It was quite delicious and I will certainly be making it again.  While peeling the fruit, however, there was a minor incident with a vegetable peeler that involved me shortening the end of my left index finger a few millimeters.  Oh well, the sacrifices we make for a nice presentation.  It was met with mixed reviews.  The foodies in the crew loved it.  The picky hillbillies I am about to be related to thought it tasted like 'moldy corn'.  Thank you.  I appreciate the compliment.  I'll make grilled cheese next time.  With Kraft and Wonderbread.

I was planning on posting the mini-apple pie adventure that was laced with profanity, but I'm being told its time to get off the computer and help take down our mangy Christmas tree.  I'll be back later.

Brie in Puff Pastry with Cranberry Sauce

Red's Red Velvet Cake, Part One

My fiancé’s birthday is on December 23.  Inevitably, due to holiday conflicts, his birthday is never celebrated ON his birthday and he always gets his birthday and Christmas presents combined, poor bastard. Unfortunately for him (although much to my chagrin), he is turning 30 this year.  I take delight in the new ammunition.  Doing my wifely duty, I asked what I could contribute to the family birthday party (parents, grandmother, brother’s family, best friend’s family – you know the drill) and he quickly piped up that he wanted Red Velvet cake, which his mother did not pipe up and offer to make.  Shit.  AND, he added, none of that cream cheese frosting, I want a super fluffy white frosting.  I have never made it and only heard horror stories on keeping this dense cake moist.  Did I have time to do a practice run? Probably, but I’m not going grocery shopping till payday and don’t have most of the ingredients.  Hell, I don’t even own cake pans or a sifter (ahhh memories of cooking with mom and using her sifter with the old wooden green handles, you know what I'm talking about). Anxiety attack.  I have to make a new recipe, a difficult recipe, and serve it to people right out of the gates.  We have already discussed my baking abilities.  Unfortunately with a cake, you can’t just remove a slice and do quality control – people notice. 

So, I sucked it up and decided to make it the morning of the party (yes I started baking at 2:00 am, doesn’t everyone? Hey it’s gotta cool before you can frost it right?).  Let me explain what has to get done today: Deliver dozens of Christmas Cookies baked yesterday (while they are still fresh and nobody eats them), make Red Velvet Cake, return 1 chainsaw borrowed yesterday, take care of infant, hand wash adorable handmade infant sweater for family events, wash not so adorable fiancé’s work clothes, birthday party at 1, dinner at the Whately Inn (an hour away) at 6, wash mountain of dishes.  Ready, set, go!

After my shopping trip (yes, that was Saturday morning at 3:00 am, no kidding, see my shopping trip post) I was fully prepared to make Paula Deen’s Red Velvet Cake recipe (see link below).  I read the reviews, decided hers would be best.  Fast forward to 2:15 am.  All the ingredients are out, coming up to room temperature, in the order that they are added to the batter, oven preheating, Christmas music blaring.  I tell myself that I took five semesters of chemistry and worked in the chemistry lab for a year, this is nothing.

By the time I got done making this thing, it looked like a 7^th grade science experiment had gone wrong.  Lady Macbeth had nothing on me, perpetually washing my hands to get the red stains out.  There was red batter on the cabinets, baby bottles, and me.  Maybe the cat will jump up and lick it all off.  Yeah right. 

Well, I’m off to clean up this disaster area.  Stay tuned later for pictures and reviews of the final product…

By the way, I am making a complete, frosted second cake in case this one fails me.  I tell myself that its not my overwhelming perfection anxiety but being prepared in case one cake isn't enough or somebody doesn't like Red Velvet cake.  Yeah right. Freak.