1. Snap education 101: Trying to connect the 33 snaps and get them properly aligned on a screaming infant's PJ's at 3:00 am is like Helen Keller trying to solve a Rubik's Cube.
2. Breastfeeding: No matter how great they make it sound, there are just some mothers and babies that aren't cut out for it. Sorry hippies.
3. Showers: Don't expect one daily anymore.
4. Things that make a baby cry: mommy sitting down for dinner, mommy taking a shower (see item 3), mommy putting her head on a pillow, mommy sneezing while putting sleeping baby in it's crib
5a. Things that a baby will sleep though: chainsaws, a helicopter landing, loud music
5b. Things that will wake a baby up: cricket farts, the cat walking by, see also item 4
6. The day after you clip baby
7. No one can prepare you for the fire hose that baby boys produce. No one. Always have a cover on that thing or wear a rain coat. I have had pee dripping from the ceiling.
8. Baby puke is like garlic. You get it on your skin and the smell can't be washed out.
9. You need a 4 year engineering degree to put together most baby items (swings, bouncy seats, cribs). And a beer. And extra tools so you can throw at least one.
10. It never fails that the instant you have gotten the baby rocked to sleep after hours of crying, you realize that you have to piss like Seabiscuit at the Kentucky Derby. Maybe invest in catheters.